listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
