There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
