i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
