I have demons in me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
