you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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