She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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