I hate all girls vehemently.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
