My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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