So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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