haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
