Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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