OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
