Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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