I can text with my tongue
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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