Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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