I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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