her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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