I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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