the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
