god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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