nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
