I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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