On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
A bitchslap is in order.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
