she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
