I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
