I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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