I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
