Soap is not a condiment
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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