Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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