there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
