I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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