I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
