you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
