the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
