I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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