Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
