D3 body, D1 cock
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
