I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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