I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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