my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love you.
Bad choice
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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