They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just googled if crying burns calories
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I didn't notice because vodka
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
