Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
