Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize