I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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