I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
