The maid of honor just puked.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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