Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I want to be your penis for a week.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
