Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize