Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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