she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
