Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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