i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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