"it" just moved
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
