we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
