I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
