Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
