umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
