It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
