In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
