how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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