What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
pray to the hookup gods
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
