this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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