dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
