You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
