Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize