sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
