okay pat passed out under dana's car
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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