I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
