Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
