I'm going to jail i love you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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